Former Egg Donor Undergoing IVF

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Monday, December 17, 2018

30w2d: Premature Premature Rupture of Membranes

Since I have been admitted to the hospital on bedrest since December 7th, I am realizing how my thoughts can run rampant and think of all the worst possible scenarios. I have been so anxious about the "fear of pain" and the "fear of the unknown" for labor and delivery.

Today, I realized that my anxiety has improved so much. My nurse last night told me everyone who would be in the room at the time of my delivery. Two NICU teams, two respiratory therapists, two of my nurses, my doctor, and if I need a c-section, a scrub tech and a first assist. Hearing about all those people in one room would normally freak me out, but all of a sudden, I realized that most people in that room are for my babies. A sort of calm ran through me and I realized how grateful I am that there are medical people specializing in this field. I know there will be pain, but I am getting to that point where I just feel so blessed my babies have been overall doing so well during their fetal monitoring despite my PPROM. My perspective has changed so much, since my admittance at the hospital. I became a part of a PPROM facebook support group and so many women have stories where they ruptures before their baby's viability! I feel so blessed that my babies are viable and how well they are doing. If my rupture was inevitable, at least I was blessed enough that they were viable right? If I don't spin the story to seeing the glass as half full, I'll go into depression here at the hospital. Seeing these 4 walls everyday, eating hospital food, and not sleeping in my bed with my husband and dog can really eat at a person's positivity. I still have 4 more weeks, so I'll try to keep my chin up till then.


Thursday, December 13, 2018

29w5d: PPROM

It's been 6 days since I was diagnosed with PPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes), and admitted to the hospital. I'm still in shock that this happened to me. Apparently PPROM occurs in only 3% of pregnancies and on Friday morning, I joined that small minority of pregnancies.

As I creep nearer and nearer to 34 weeks, I have been peppering the nurses with questions about the labor and delivery process. They have all been up front with me about how painful and messy it all is, and I appreciate their honesty. I do have a long history of severe anxiety though, and asked them about ways to cope with the "fear of pain." One of my nurses (Jill) told me to ask my doctor about nitrous oxide ("laughing gas"). She suggested this when I told her I was planning on having an epidural, but I was fearful of the pain that might come with an epidural. I discussed this with my doctor and he told me to request nitrous oxide before the epidural to relax me. He said the anesthesiologist wouldn't let me inhale the gas as the epidural was going in, but I am crossing my fingers the nitrous oxide will have a lasting effect through the epidural, to the point where my anxiety will be reduced. My nurses also told me they give Dilaudid for patients with contractions, but not dilated, and too soon for the epidural. I wanted to ask my doctor that question, but I was too embarrassed to ask. I understand women can get anxious before birth day, but I feel like I take it to a new level...

A typical day at the hospital consists of round the clock antibiotics. The first two days I was given lactated ringer solution fluids, ampicillin and magnesium. My nurses described magnesium as "flu in a bottle." It just makes you feel terrible and weak. I received two steroid injections and a Tdap injection. I stopped IVs Sunday and take oral medications only. I take oral antibiotics every 8 hours and a prenatal vitamin once daily. On an as needed basis, I take Pepcid, Colace, Diclegis, and at night, they offer Ambien. I felt guilty taking Ambien, but the doctor has OK'ed it and told me everyone on the floor takes it. It's so hard sleeping here, and it simultaneously helps with anxiousness. I suck up the guilt and try to remember the doctor OK'ed it. Twice a day, we do fetal monitoring and babies have been doing amazing. Other than one night with brief decelerations, which they checked on ultrasound, and they received a perfect 8/8 score. According to the tech and doctors, we cannot be sure which twin's sac ruptured, but it appears the girl's sac broke because she has the least fluid. They measure their fluid using the "deepest vertical pocket" of fluid and as long as it's over 2, it's fine. The boy's fluid measures 2.4 and the girl's fluid measures 2.1. In singleton pregnancies, they use the term AFI (amniotic fluid index), but not in twins normally.  On ultrasound, it appears the girl twin is no longer twin B. She migrated down and is now twin A (closer to the cervix) and both twins are both head down. Every day, I do "leak" amniotic fluid and doctors tell me I will leak until I deliver, so I wear this embarrassing huge blue pad that makes me feel like I'm 90 years old. *sigh*

I had a few visitors today which was so nice. It made me feel human again. Everyone in my church has been extremely helpful from bringing my husband food to bringing me some sort of gift in the hospital. I still haven't announced my pregnancy officially yet on facebook, and only family and few friends know, so it's nice that the few that know, care. It helps me from stressing out and keeps my mind from wandering. I hope they continue to remember me the next 30 days.




Monday, December 10, 2018

PPROM: Preterm premature rupture of the membranes at 28w6d

At around 6:30AM on Friday, December 7th, I started to feel a mild trickle of water in my PJs. At the time, I was lying down in bed, and cuddling with my pup, and my initial thought was, "Ive reached the incontinent stage." I noticed that it only trickled when I took a deep breath in, so didn't immediately attribute it to anything else. I laid there still for a few more minutes, but with each deep breath, I would feel that slow trickle. I got up to empty my bladder, and noticed my PJ's were soaked. I was alarmed, but still thought that it could still just be urine. I took my now wet PJ bottoms and did a load of laundry, and put on a new pair of PJ pants. I laid myself down again, and noticed the leak was not going away. 

My husband had already left for work, so I tried calling him. He didn't answer, so I called the OB nurse my insurance offered for free 24/7. The nurse started asking me ridiculous questions, like if I felt a baby's leg in my vagina, or if I was having 'shock' symptoms. When I felt like she was just asking me generic questions, I told her I knew what I had to do and hung up. I texted my husband I thought my water had broken, and he called back within a few minutes. He rushed back home to take me to the hospital. I still didn't know if I believed that my water could have broken, and I still thought there was a chance I peed.

We entered the maternity section of the hospital, and I walked in hunched over and wet PJ pants. They directed me to registration. I had already sent in my registry papers by mail, so I was irritated when they said they didn't have them. I kept stalling the registry woman I was leaking and I was in pain, but she kept asking me about my social security and insurance, as I was leaking onto her chair, *sigh*. I took a deep breath and answered all of her never ending questions about my insurance and address, She had me walk myself through the triage doors and the nurses took over. 

They immediately asked pertinent questions to my situation and the nurse got a sample of the fluid that was leaking to do a "fern" test. The "fern" test confirm is the fluid was amniotic fluid. A few minutes later, the nurse returned confirming that my water broke and that I was going to be admitted. 

They kept me on fetal monitoring while I waited for an open room. I was having regular contractions every 10 minutes, but they were not intense. They started me on magnesium which reduced the frequency of the contractions. Magnesium deserves its own blog post, but I will summarize here. IV Magnesium is like the "flu in a bottle." It made my teeth chatter from chills, and the next minute, I was burning up. My muscles were so weak (it relaxes muscles to ease contractions), I could barely move on my own. It makes you light headed and gives you terrible headaches. All in the name of saving my babies and keeping them inutero, I endured for 48 hours on Magnesium. My doctors also told me it helps with cerebral safety for the babies should they delivery early

Once admitted, they administered a steroid injection that is intramuscular. If you are at risk to deliver early, they will administer two steroid injections over the course of 48 hours to accelerate baby's lung development. 

Their primary goal was to keep them inutero until Sunday. This would give the steroid injection enough time to work its magic on the babies' lungs. I've made it until Monday afternoon, and I hope many more afternoons until they induce me at 34 weeks. The longer they stay in the better! 

I was cleared yesterday to shower, and cleared today to go outside in a wheelchair. I'm so excited for this! It's the little things I get to look forward to now. I will update later. 

Monday, October 29, 2018

Twin Pregnancy: 23 weeks + 2 days

Second trimester has been slightly easier than first trimester. Now, instead of my head in a toilet vomiting everything, I am able to eat most things (still can't eat spaghetti and some chicken ingredient foods).  In fact, I get sudden hunger pangs, where I go from zero to one hundred in a second, and I need something to eat right then. Luckily, since I can tolerate more foods, I have been eating more at home, and less out to eat. Which has saved us a lot of money. Now that I am seeing prices of baby items, I'm really trying to be more fiscally responsible with finances. 

I had acid reflux in the first trimester periodically, but now I have it nearly 24 hours a day. There's no "heartburn," but more like the sensation that food is stuck in the back of my throat. It doesn't go away with Zantac 150mg twice daily either. What I did find, was that milk of magnesia helped resolve that food-stuck in my throat sensation well. Only problem is, the taste milk of magnesia makes me nauseous. It also is effective with constipation and deemed okay for use in pregnancy. As my OB put it, "drink as much as you want. It's fine." With constipation being a common symptom in pregnancy, many women resort to milk of magnesia, as Colace (I found) was ineffective). Constipation effected me more in the first trimester. So far, I find if I drink at least 80oz of water daily, constipation relatively resolves itself. OB recommends a gallon a day, but between me peeing every 20 minutes, I don't think my body could physically tolerate any more water. Sometimes, I will come out of the restroom, only to go back 30 seconds later to pee again. Husband jokes he can't take me around any more to run simple errands, because I have to pee as soon as we walk in and then 10 minutes after. In order to help with the pressure on my bladder, I find myself having to take small steps and walk slowly. I'm sure I look ridiculous, along with my pregnancy waddle. 

The most painful symptom I have had, started yesterday. I think one or both of the babies have confused my cervix for a punching bag. I nearly cried last night they were so active. My mom is concerned they may be contractions, but at this time, they're irregular anyway.

The other day, I went to Costco, around lunch time, and I hadn't eat lunch yet. I went, not hungry for lunch yet and planning to eat once I got home. During this errand, in Costco, I started breaking out into a cold sweat, feeling lightheaded, and dizzy. I've been experiencing shortness of breath for the past few weeks, but my shortness of breath was even worse during this dizzy spell. The dizzy spell lasted an hour or more. I wasn't even hungry, so I wondered why I was experiencing these symptoms.  I called my mom to let her know to stay on the phone with me, in case anything happened, and I fainted. Thank goodness for moms. When I got home, I immediately downed a protein shake, and I felt much better. Now, I always try to eat before running an errand to avoid a scary dizzy spell. 

Just last week, we were at a huge public event where thousands of people attended. I had a sudden pang of bladder pressure and urge to pee. I held it for an hour, until we could find a restroom. Holding it started to become so painful. I found port-potties to use, with a huge line. I still can't believe I resorted to this, but I approached the he cop near it, and told him I needed to use the restroom right now. He said to stand in line. Without even trying, I broke down in tears, telling him my situation. He did probably what every chivalrous male would have done and got me to the front of the line. There were a lot of angry people, but I had heard, that holding your urine too long can cause contractions, and like I stated, it already had become very painful. I am so embarrassed to even admit that I did this though. Don't judge me to badly. 

With all these typical symptoms and my ever growing rounded belly, it was becoming difficult to hide this from family. We told my in-laws during a camping trip that I was pregnant (didn't tell them I was having twins though) at almost 15 weeks. We told my family I was pregnant with twins between 15 to 16 weeks. My grandma was ecstatic, calling me "her successor." She had fraternal twin girls, but has no idea we used IVF. At 20 weeks, my husband's side of the family and us, went on another camping trip, and for my husband's birthday, we told his side of the family we were having boy girl twins. We didn't do it in any cute sort of way, which I kind of regret, but my husband was bursting to tell them. They were shocked. Some inquired about IVF, but my husband denied it, I just don't need or want anyone's judgment to weigh on my pregnancy. I already have an extra 15 pounds on my belly, and don't need anyone else's judgement to weigh me down further. 
Kudos to anyone that is open and honest about their whole process though. 

At around 21 weeks, I found decent cribs at Walmart on sale, which I nabbed immediately, even though I had promised myself I would not buy anything until closer to 24 weeks. I am glad I didn't pass up the good deal though. We still need crib mattresses. Who knew a decent crib mattress could be so expensive! I am trying to do research on them. Speaking of research, I've been trying to learn everything I can about strollers. I ordered the City Select Lux yesterday, because it was on sale from normally an $829 price tag to $639. I may return it, if I find a used on for half that price though. $639 doesn't include the cost of two infant car seats and two adapters. 

I hope to write more frequently and am sad I haven't been writing as often as I would have liked. 


Friday, August 31, 2018

14 weeks 6 days pregnant with twins

I told myself I would blog consistently so that I could always look back on my first pregnancy. Every time I thought about sitting down to blog though, I felt "too sick," "too tired," or had so much to say, I felt "too overwhelmed." The general theme of this pregnancy from 6 weeks 5 days even up until today, is nausea and vomiting. Mid my 12th week, I also experienced bleeding with quarter sized clots for one day. I attributed it to possibly stopping my progesterone and estrogen pills the first day of my 12th week. My OB did an ultrasound 1-2 days later, and the babies were bouncing around with healthy heartbeats. On my 13th week, I started feeling safer, being in the second trimester, that my chance of miscarrying were low, and the genetics testing (nuchal translucency an trisomy blood test) returned normal. My in-laws still didn't know I was pregnant, and my husband was dying (begging me) to tell them. His family had planned a camping trip when I would be exactly 14 weeks pregnant, and I gave my husband the okay to announce that I was pregnant. We said nothing about it being a twin pregnancy though. As fate annoyingly would have it, I started bleeding bright red and pink blood without clots an hour after he announced. I didn't have reception in the woods, so we just prayed everything would be okay and finished the last 2 days of the camp out. 

I called my doctor at 8am on Monday to let them know what happened Saturday, and they immediately saw me within 2 hours of my call. The ultrasound showed two healthy babies wiggling around with healthy heart beats. He did note a possible subchorionic hemorrhage on my left side though. He referred me to a perinatologist. 

I had a long ultrasound with the ultrasonographer and a consult with their doctor. It was such an amazing experience. My sonographer asked me if I wanted to know the genders as soon as she spotted both babies, and I enthusiastically told her I would. Baby A, was a "he" and was obvious! Baby B, was a "she" and also obvious. I would have been happy with any result, but if we had done PGS testing, this is how my husband and I would have chosen. Otherwise, she did not note any subchorionic hematoma. The perinatologist did note that baby A's placenta was 9mm away from my cervix, which may or may not have caused the bleeding. If it would have been over the cervix, that would have been called "placenta previa." She said the placenta would not grow over my cervix because the placenta would grow away from it, which made me feel better. 

My husband was working, and didn't attend the appointment, so I got to think of ways to surprise him when he got home. This was exciting to me, because nothing in IVF is really a surprise because everything is so meticulously planned. I quickly ordered 2 custom cream filled cupcakes for him. 


When I got him, he was already showered and ready to slice open some cupcakes to find out my secret. He didn't hesitate. He grabbed a plastic knife and plunged it through. He selected the blue cream filled cup cake first. He was ecstatic. I think every father wants to know he has a son, right? He didn't even stop to take a bite from the $10 overpriced custom cupcake before slicing through the next cupcake. Again, he was ecstatic. Every father wants to know they're going to have a daughter, right? I took video of the whole thing, but to spare my anonymity, will not post it here. 



We are overjoyed with this news and it makes all my sickness worth it!

Monday, July 9, 2018

7w2d: Nausea without vomiting

Nausea without vomiting is an ICD10 code. It's also the definition of most of my days.

I am barely functioning at work when the nausea hits. I feel like I want to throw up and sometimes I feel the vomit coming up, but as gross as it sounds, I swallow it before it can make it out of my mouth. I don't want to be throwing up the Estradiol medications I am taking three times daily. IVF doc called me in Bonjesta after giving me six free tabs. At first it was helping, but has since stopped. It made me very drowsy, even the next morning. In a way, I am kind of glad it stopped working. Even with my insurance, it was $600 for 60 pills! That is robbery. Diclegis was not much cheaper at almost $400. I asked the doc for some Zofran prior to the frozen embryo transfer (FET), but he said there were too many side effects. My co-workers just keep telling me to "sneak" a zofran, because they all did it in their pregnancies, and they were fine. But I have always been one to listen to what my doctor tells me. I would feel guilty if something happened to my babies and I had taken zofran.

I also started having strange aversions to some foods. I don't want to look at fruit yogurt, chicken doesn't taste good, and mint ice cream looks disgusting. The only thing I want or can eat is at dinner time, at this one hole in the wall Mexican food place. I love their carne asada burritos. Except last night, it started tasting questionable to be too. I force myself to eat breakfast, since I wake up ravishing, but nothing sounds good. Eating breakfast sometimes helps the nausea subside slightly too.

I am still getting intermittent cramps, but they kind of feel like round ligament pains, just based on where the cramps are. It hurts when I sneeze or cough. I have never spotted or bled though.

I have never been prone to headaches, but I have been getting them more often. Not migrainous in nature, and not the worst headache of my life, but definitely there. I take Tylenol and a two to three sips of Pepsi sometimes to settle it.

Later this afternoon, I will have my second ultrasound with the IVF clinic. They had appointments early this morning, but I wanted husband to be there, in case it is bad news. I keep thinking of the worst. I can't help it. Today I am 7 weeks 2 days.

I am hoping for the best, because I haven't had any bleeding or discharge.

Is it this normal to be anxious about every ultrasound?


Sunday, July 1, 2018

So this happened on Friday

I went in to my first ultrasound with extremely high anxiety and my husband cool as a cucumber. I joined a IVF FB group that terrified me with all the things I could see if the pregnancy was non-viable based on the ultrasound.

After what seemed like an hour in the lobby (it wasn't), they called my name and they performed our first ultrasound. Prior to the first ultrasound, I did a crash course on youtube of prenatal ultrasounds, Just things to look out for.

The ultrasound tech inserted the wand, and I quickly caught a glimpse of a sac... then two sacs. The image was so quick, I couldn't check off my mental check list of fetal pole, yolk sac and heart fluttering. She got the wand in better position, and I saw one sac only. She measured it and 6 weeks 3 days. She was surprised because at the time, I was only❤️ 5 weeks 6 days. She maneuvered the wand, and the second sac I thought I had initially seen showed up. It measured and looked much smaller which worried me. The ultrasound tech said this is actually what it should be measuring because I was only 5 weeks 6 days. Baby B measured a day behind at 5 weeks 5 days. Baby A did have a visible heart movement (fluttering), but baby B didn't. The ultrasound tech did not seem too concerned though as I was not even 6 weeks technically yet.

My husband reached over a gave me a high five.

We did it.

We made it to our first ultrasound without bad or sad tears.

She asked us to come back on July 9th to see how babies were doing. We are crossing my fingers baby B's heart is fluttering at that time too!




Thursday, June 21, 2018

Second Beta Results

After the longest 48 hours, my appointment finally arrived to draw my second beta results. I walked in at 7:54AM for my 8AM appointment trying to shield my mind from all doubt.

The night before, I took my second home pregnancy test. My logic for this, was that if my hcg levels increased, my line would be much darker than my 11dp5dt one (from Monday). And it was much darker! Even though this was my second home pregnancy test in a 48 hour period, this "magic trick" of seeing double lines never gets old.  The darker line gave me some assurance and some sense of security that my numbers had to hav increased in the past 48 hours. 


3 hours and 20 minutes later (which was almost as long as the 48 hours in-between the two beta tests) I got a call from my fertility clinic. The nurse on the other line sounded monotone, and I felt my heart sink. Then I heard the words "came back good." I breathed a sighed of relief, and asked her what my numbers came as. She said 810. The number from my first beta was 276, so my beta number didn't double, it tripled! 

The first half of work day after that phone call was easy breezy, and I was slap happy. Come 3pm, I had a whole mood swing, I felt moody, exhausted, and overwhelmed. On top of that, I was insanely bloated to the point my  loosest scrubs felt tight. I took a gas-X that morning to help, which it did, but I don't like taking anything unless absolutely necessary. I hate that I am already having to take Tylenol everyday for my extreme back pain. I should have brought another one from home, because the bloat was unbearable as the gas-x wore off that afternoon. Gas-X was one of the medications on my pregnancy approved list from my IVF doctor. 

We had such a large influx of patients come in from 2pm to 8pm that I had just enough time to eat a small portion of my Mac & Cheese and yoplait peach yogurt lunch I brought from home, but barely enough water. I usually drink 160oz, but barely drank ver 80oz yesterday. I felt so nauseous that I had to carry a vomit bag in-between seeing patients. My head started spinning, and I got my first headache since starting hormone therapy and since finding out I was officially pregnant. I took 1500mg total of Tylenol yesterday for my back pain and headache, which helped, but nothing would stop the nausea. I had no mints to suck on, and I had no time to eat. My 12 hour shift felt like 24 hours, and I didn't get home until 9:45, and I was 45 minutes late for my PIO injection. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with just my torso and pelvis drenched in sweat. Granted, I get very cold before bedtime these past two weeks, so I bundle up in sweaters, and sweats, with three blankets... but have never woken up in a cold sweat just over my torso before. I also had my first bout of mild diarrhea between one of my many night time trips to the restroom to pee all night. 

Despite all the crappy symptoms, I am grateful to be bloated, cramping, back pain, frequent urination, cold sweats, and even my one bout of diarrhea. 

Sincerely,

The former, now pregnant, egg donor

Monday, June 18, 2018

11dp5dt: Beta Results

I stopped updating the blog after 6dp5dt because we went out of town from 6dp to 10dp. It was the best thing I could have ever done to take my mind off of things. We arrived home last night, and the whole night I had vivid nightmares about having a bad beta result. I went to my beta test appointment this morning, expecting the worst at around 9am. They pulled me back around 9:15am. Waiting in the clinic lobby was torture. I kept seeing and hearing reassuring voices telling me they had a feeling it was going to be positive. I even saw my doctor, who had come up to the front desk and he was telling me he had a feeling mine worked. He said that my embryo transfer went very well and that every transfer he did while the patient was under anesthesia was successful. I gave him a faint hint of a smile, because I was still expecting the worst.

The MA drew my blood, telling me my results would be back by lunch time. I then rushed off to relieve the Physician Assistant that was nice enough to cover the first two hours of my 12 hour shift. By 11:54am, I was anxious. I tried deep breathing exercises and focusing on work, but my thoughts kept returning to beta results. Finally, I swallowed my pride, and called the clinic asking if my results were back. My heart skipped three beats when I heard my number was 276! I started to cry a little bit. Tears of joy of course.

I then rewarded myself by taking an at  pregnancy test from work; something I never afforded myself to do before knowing my results. I didn’t want anything to mess with my emotions prior to the beta test. My heart fluttered when I saw a line pop up almost right away! I kept starting at it, making sure the line didn’t disappear.

I dialed my husband’s number at work, but he wasn’t answering. I been tried calling his brother who works with him, but I got no answer. They were probably in a place without service. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I called my mom and texted my sister. My sister, who has never seen an at home pregnancy test result, questioned what the heck those two lines meant and I told her. She was estatic. I really wanted to tell my husband first, but I was bursting with excitement, and I had to tell someone!! I told my sister in law next. She’s the only one in my husband family who knows, and that’s because she has gone through several rounds of IVF herself.

Finally, my husband called and I gave him the results. He was so happy too!

Now, we wait for my second beta test results which will be on Wednesday at 8am!!

Sincerely,
The former, now pregnant, egg donor

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

6dp5dt: Second Day Back to Work

I didn't write yesterday because I forgot to bring my laptop to work to "blog" during my down time. It's a shame I didn't. I only saw 17 patients in 12 hours (aka: slow day for me) and I had plenty of down time. Plenty of down time (aka: plenty of time to worry about implantation).

In regards to my symptoms yesterday 5dp5dt: I felt bloated... more than any other day. I literally could feel stretch marks developing as the skin over my abdomen stretched. It was terrible. My IVF doc told me it was okay to take simethicone, but I know nothing is deemed perfectly safe, so I opted against it. I did take 1 gram of Tylenol yesterday though for my back pain that has been going on for 2-3 months now. I'm not sure if there is a correlation, but every time we switch to the right flute for my PIO (progesterone in oil) injection, the right side of my back pain is worse. Since I am having to pee frequently lately, I attempted to get out of bed around 12AM, but felt severe spasms in my back (again, not unusual- I've had this for 2-3 months intermittently) preventing me from turning, changing position, or even getting up from bed. It was easily a brief 10/10 pain. I started crying (cue the estrogen please), and my husband woke up immediately helping me up to use to the restroom. Poor guy. He wakes up at 4AM every morning to go to work, and I just woke him up for my spasms. They were so bad, and I was writhing so much to move, I am afraid that maybe it harmed the implantation process? Ugh, I can't think that way anymore.

Today is officially my 6dp5dt and other my low back pain, I felt okay. Bloating nearly resolved, but still burping frequently (I never have burped this much than I have than in these past few days). No real cramping. I pretty much feel 100%. I don't know if this concerns me or not though. I took 1gram of Tylenol for my back pain this morning and will try not to take anymore the rest of the day. I've noticed that I am getting hungry for small more frequent meals these past two days. Don't know if thats normal, or the placebo effect of me "feeling" or "wanting" to be pregnant though.

I've still been holding on any hcg tests. There are plenty of them here at work I could pee on, but I am testing my will power beyond measure. It feels great to be so strong! Plus, it feels great to be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). I've never been pregnant before, nor even had a miscarriage, so I'm savoring it. If anyone is wanting to take one, I hear the best day to take one is 7dp5dt at night.

I am working a half shift today, and then heading off to a political conference via airplane. I asked my doctor if I could my PIO injection 2 hours early (my plane leaves at 8:10PM and lands at 10:30PM). My PIO injection is done at 9PM nightly. My doctor advised no earlier than 8PM. I have no idea how I'll pull this off while sitting on a plane, but we'll figure it out. Already have my doctor's note explaining my armory of needles, injections and what not for TSA. That always went super smoothly when I was an egg donor, so hopefully, this will be just as smooth.

Baby dust to all of you reading,

The Former Egg Donor

Monday, June 11, 2018

4dp5dt

I am so new to the world of IVF that I didn't know 90% of the acronyms used by others in the internet, making it extremely difficult to understand anything anyone was saying. Needless to say, searching google to make sense of the endless acronyms has been my best friend. The newest acronym introduced to this blog will be: 4dp5dt. If one was not familiar with the IVF world, this would just appear to be a difficulty algebra equation initially. What this means, is that today I am 4 days post my 5 day transfer. I also found out that the day of the actual transfer does not count. If it did, I would be 5dp5dt.

Quick recap: On June 7th, 11:30AM, my doctor transferred two five day embryos, grades 4BB and 3AB, because these were the best ones of the 6 total that were fertilized and made to blastocyst age. I admittedly do not handle pain well, and my doctor could barely finish the HSG because I was in so much agony, that I requested to be put under during the transfer. I was afraid I would move too much and the embryos would not be able to go in without me moving and writhing in pain. In my defense, I think I am post traumatized from my first donation, where they cut costs by not putting me under during my first egg retrieval in 2010. That was so painful.

Yesterday, I went to church, and I was so bloated, that I looked pregnant in my wrap around dress. This morning, my fat pants felt a little looser than they have been which was a nice feeling. However, it also got me scared because at least I was having symptoms of a possible pregnancy. Today, I am only slightly feeling bloated. I am still feeling fatigued and took a 4 hour "nap" after leaving church yesterday, making it so I could not get to sleep until midnight. I did not wake up until 9am this morning though, which is unusual for me. I am early riser because of my work schedule. Luckily, I am still out on PTO at work until tomorrow. I am still having cramps in my lower abdominal area, that are felt mostly when I am at rest, not so much when I am out running errands. I noticed that I when I bend over or lift something light (like a bowl of homemade soup weighing 5lbs or less, I get twinges of cramps in my lower abdomen, which I don't even know how to explain. I am also super emotional. Mind you, I never cry, and when I do, it is when something absolutely terrible happens. My husband swears that I have emotions to his family and friends, because no one can believe how many things I don't cry at. I am still not sure my in-laws know I have a heart. I know my emotions are running amuck because I cried at "Coco" the Pixar movie by Disney, when it wasn't even sad! Another symptom is intermittent nausea without vomiting or the feeling that. That feeling is pretty infrequent though and I had nausea with vomiting prior to my transfer, so I take that symptom with a grain of salt. Last symptom that started today is clear vaginal discharge. This could be due to the estrogen, but I’m not sure?

For my cramps, I have been taking up to 1g of Tylenol daily for pain. I have been having pretty bad back pain with left sided sciatica pain, but I was having that for months even prior to the transfer, so I don't count that as a symptom.

 It is hard to differentiate what is is an early pregnancy symptom vs the PIO (progesterone in oil) and estradiol symptom though to be honest. I still don't have ant spotting which I am not sure is concerning or not. Yesterday, I felt pregnant (which could be because I looked pregnant with my bloat). Today, I feel like it was a failed transfer. This is an emotional rollercoaster, and I finally know what it was like for my IPs (intended parents). They call this wait until the beta test the TWW (two week wait). My beta hcg test is scheduled at 9am on the 18th. I found coverage to cover my shift from 8am to 10pm to do my results that day. I am terrified of receiving bad news while I am work though. I'll break out my water proof mascara that day.

I almost gave in to take a HPT (home pregnancy test) today. I joined a couple facebook IVF groups under a fake name to see how others are coping. Why a fake name? I am way too scared of people seeing that I am a part of these groups on my profile. I told you, I don't want anyone to know I'm vulnerable. Hence, my anonymous blogspot. I saw other women getting BFP (big fat positives) on 4dp5dt, and I wanted one too! If, for whatever reason, it was a BFN (big fat negative), I don't know what I would think or feel. No wait, I would know. I would be heartbroken. Someone somewhere on facebook IVF group refused to do it because she enjoyed the feeling of PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). I have to admit, I think I like that feeling better, than seeing what could be a BFN. Especially because it is really early on in the post transfer process.

As of right now, I have 6 days, 9 hours and 47 minutes and 44 seconds until I go in for my beta test. We'll see if I can hold out until then. Thank goodness we have a short trip to Texas coming up soon to attend a political conference. Pretty sure if there was anything that could keep my mind off  uteruses and embryos implanting it is politics.

I plan on keeping my blog and whoever reads this updated on my progress. After doing major research on symptoms by the day on the internet, there is simply never enough. Here is to help anyone else going through this wait to find out if we are going to be mothers.

Sincerely,

The  Former Egg Donor





Saturday, June 9, 2018

Day 3: Post embryo transfer

The day of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) came and went on June 7th. My experience might be a little different because I requested to be put under during the procedure. I didn’t have to drink 32oz of water before my procedure. In fact, I wasn’t supposed to eat or drink anything eight hours prior to be put under anesthesia. They asked if if could hold my urine until 11:30AM. I woke up at 7:13AM, and I tried holding it for an hour. I have the smallest bladder in the world, and after feeling like I was going to burst if I didn’t urinate right away, I gave in and peed. I didn’t pee until my procedure. I let them know and they said they could fill my bladder up for me if needed.

When they strapped my legs into the stirrups on the procedure table, the nurse pressed her ultrasound wand on my stomach, and she stated that I had plenty of urine in my bladder. Whew. 

I have really high anxiety, and my lower lip was uncontrollably shaking and I started breathing faster. The anesthesiologist noted this, and started my propranolol smoothie to my veins. It burned going in, but I didn’t fight the sleepy feeling off. I was down in a few seconds I’m sure. 

The rest of the stuff, I don’t remember. My husband was there and kept asking him if he saw the two thawed embryos go into my uterus on the screen. My husband has Superman eyes, and swore he didn’t see anything on the screen resembling an embryo. The doctor told him they’re about 2cm big so it would be hard to see anything. We did get a photo shot of it. All I can see is my full bladder and my thick uterus though. The embryologist or lab tech then comes in, used a scope to make sure all the embryos are no longer in the catheter. Once that’s done, I think they woke me up. 

I woke up to the feeling of a sharp pain in my low back. I was still drunk off the propofol, but two nurses guided me and helped me empty my bladder. Once I relieved myself, the back pain wore off. In fact, I felt fine right after. 

My husband ordered take out as my late breakfast and we munched on it at home. Afterwards, slept a few hours and woke up to some very mild cramping in my lower abdominal area. Like menstrual cramps. 

That was pretty much it for that day.

The day after my transfer, the cramps were back but less intense and i had no vaginal discharge, which i can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. I also felt very bloated and so gassy (ugh). I took it really easy. My doctor had stated that I could return to 85% of my normal activities by yesterday but. I still took it easy. I alternated between lying down, sitting up with my feet elevated, and walking around the house. 

Today, I feel soooo bloated, less gassy, breasts slightly tender, and very swollen. The last few symptoms I mentioned could just be the estrogen and progesterone though. I am still having intermittent cramps, so I took two 500mg tabs of Tylenol to ease up the cramps. It feels like I’m going to start my period, is the best way to describe it. Except that I’m super emotional. I was alardeado crying at everything before the transfer so I don’t think that is too reliable of a symptom. 

My husband wanted me to go outside and do something normal, so we went to Costco together. I didn’t lift anything over 6 pounds, because I’m still scared about doing anything to ruin the implantation process. I know it’s out of my hands now, but I can’t help but feel like I can still take precautions. I noticed I was short winded walking, and my fat pants were becoming tight on me today. Like I said, so much bloating!! 

I have two more days off from work to rest. 

I hope my uterus is helping my two embryos implant, then these weird symptoms will all be worth it!


Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Starting the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) Process

I started my Estradiol  two 1mg pills twice daily started from May 20th to May 28th. On May 28th, I went in for my baseline ultrasound checking my uterine lining. I think they said it was almost 9cm. From my understanding, over 8cm is the desirable lining thickness.

On May 28th, after my baseline ultrasound, they increased my 1mg Estradiol dose to two 1mg tabs three times daily. With the increased dose of Estrogen, I felt incredibly nauseous and even some vomiting. My doctor advised against Zofran, and instead just sucking on peppermint for now. Looking up the drug's side effects, only 4% experience nausea, so it doesn't appear to be a common side effect. One night, my nausea came on abruptly, and I vomited at my in-laws yard. The questions started to my husband, "Is she pregnant?" We have kept this entire IVF thing a secret from most of his and my family. I already have high hopes, and will be crushed if it doesn't work out, and didn't want to have my family be disappointed. It would only devastate me further. 

On June 2nd, I started 2cc of Progesterone (in oil). I had briefly taken a look at you tube videos about how painful these are, and "ways to make it less painful." I was frightened the first time my husband injected me with it. I barely felt the 22 gauge needle going in and didn't feel the medicine entering my body. We do that every night around 9PM. I get off work ideally at 8pm (unless there are patients that come in at closing, grrrr), it takes an hour to get home, just in time for my injection. It's all "very exciting." I have noticed, that the upper part of my bum feels a little numb, and wondering if its all that oil? Prior to my injection, I put an ice pack directly on my skin over the place he will inject it, to numb ti initial prick of the needle and it totally works! 

I wasn't emotional during the estrogen pills, but with the progesterone injections, I was a hot mess. I would get frustrated or sad and even cry happy tears during cute dog videos. I'm not a crier and I'm not emotional usually, so these were all new feelings for me. 

My embryo transfer is on track for June 8th at 11:30. I don't handle pain very well, and requested that I be put under for my transfer. Usually, you are just put under for the retrieval. It would be an extra cost, but there is no way I would sit still with a full bladder, an ultrasound pressing on my uterus and full bladder, and a catheter inserted in my cervix. I will update on my FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) later. 

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Embryo Transfer Scheduled

Our tiny six blastocyst embryos are being stored away until transfer, and we can't wait!

Initially, the plan was to transfer the embryos this month, but we decided to hold off until June. We decided that if we could "schedule" pregnancy, I would want to be at my "biggest" during pregnancy during winter and deliver AFTER flu season. If we transferred in June, a baby would come around March- after the peak of influenza season. This is important for me, given I work with sick patients all the time, being a medical provider. Transferring in June would also give me a chance to lose weight. I want to be at a more healthy weight as this will increase chances of a successful embryo transfer and subsequent pregnancy. We are also very busy at work with one of our medical providers out on FMLA, and I am filling in for her for now. I do not want a busy schedule after my transfer.

I contacted the IVF clinic to let them know of our change of pans, and they were more than accommodating. The plan is to let the nurse know day one of my period in May for an embryo transfer in June. The embryo transfer will take place on June 4th at 11:30AM.

At work, my sick leave and PTO were approved the week of my transfer. I will take the week off to relax, chill and watch Netflix to help my little embryos attach to my uterus. I have already told my work that I do not want to work more than 20 hours weekly after my transfer. I am part time, but have been working longer hours weekly lately, because we are down one provider out on FMLA leave.

I am praying for a successful transfer!

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Post Egg Retrieval: Quality and Number of Eggs Frozen

On day 5 (Tuesday), I received news from the office that only four out of the eight embryos made it to freeze. I felt the blood drain from my face when she told me the news. My thoughts raced back to the day of the retrieval when 14 eggs were retrieved. On Sunday, I was told that 11 had matured, but only 8 were fertilized. I'm still confused why it matters how many I know matured, if they never become fertilized? Is it supposed to make the smaller number that were fertilized sound better? From Sunday, to Tuesday, four out of the eight eggs became blastocysts, and were subsequently able to be frozen. The nurse told me though that the other four were so close to being fertilized that the embryologist would watch them ("babysit") them for a day or two longer to see if they developed into blastocysts. Remember, blastocysts have a stronger chance of implanting because it is a superior, healthy embryo. Impantation is the process of the human blastocyst attachment  to the uterus within six to eight days after fertilization.

I got another call on Wednesday from the clinic telling me two more had developed into blastocysts. Even though we had less than half of what we started with, I was grateful that we had two more embryos to potentially work with. Originally, I had 3 excellent eggs, 4 good eggs, and 1 fair egg. On day 5, the embryologist gives them a letter grade. The letter grades are a way of describing the potential an embryo has to implant. Their letter grades are as follows:
4BA, 4BB, 4BC, 4CB, 3AB, 3BB.

Grading System:
The number explains the degree of embryo expansion of the blastocyst cavity and its progress in hatching out of the zona pellucida on a scale from 1-6. As the embryo expands, the degree of expansion increases.





















The first letter indicates  on a scale from A to C  (A being the highest) the quality of the inner cell mass, which potentially becomes the cells that form the body of the embryo after implantation.

The second letter, also from A to C  (A being the highest), indicates the quality of the Trophectoderm. The Trophectoderm are the cells that give rise to the placenta and extra-embryonic tissues after implantation














Thank goodness for my undergraduate bachelor's degree in biology. At least these cellular terms are at least familiar to me.

An update on my pain from egg retrieval on Thursday (one week ago). I woke up this morning FINALLY feeling a little better. I was in so much pain before to the point I could not get out of bed. I didn't request pain medications after my retrieval, and the doctor didn't offer them either. Out of the four donations I did prior, I received pain medications after the retrieval two or three of the four times. I guess it's the doctor's preference, but I know if a man had to go through everything the woman had to with the injections, bloating, and pain after retrieval, they would be thrown pain medications for their endeavors with IVF.


















The clinic anticipates the FET (frozen embryo transfer) sometime in early April and I will update more then.


Monday, March 12, 2018

Day Four Post FIFTH Egg Retrieval (first timer IVF and 4 time egg donor)

It's been four days since my egg retrieval and I am still having discomfort in my lower abdomen. If my bladder is even somewhat full, it's like I can feel my ovaries crying from pain. During my long twelve hour shift, where I am constantly on my feet running to each patient's room, my ovaries have their special way of punishing me. This morning, I woke up feeling a lot better. But, exerting myself with little to no rest, is definitely causing me pain. I came home after my 12 hour shift, walked passed my husband's open arms, and headed straight for the medicine cabinet to grab a 1000mg of Acetaminophen, since the doctor said no ibuprofen. Acetaminophen helped more than it usually did today, than the other days. I also took my last dose of Doxycycline today (prophylactic antibiotic). 

On Sunday, I was pleasantly surprised to answer the phone from my fertility clean on Sunday. Sunday marked the THIRD day of the embryologist checking in on our embryos. It was also the call that would tell us the grade of our embryos. As a refresher from the previous post: 


I'll explain why they call on days 1, 3 and 5:
Day 0: Egg Retrieval Day
Day 1: 24 hours after egg retrieval, the embryologist can determine how many matured and how many fertilized. They wait to call until day 3, because its important to limit the amount of times the embryos are taken out of the incubator to maintain a stable environment.
Day 3: On day 3, the embryo should have divided into about 6-10 cells and be symmetrical which indicates even cell division. After day 3, embryonic DNA takes over, including genetic contribution from the sperm.
Day 5: They call to tell you how many have successfully become a blastocyst. A blastocyst is a human embryo that has divided successfully and survived to at least day five. This is also the day the embryologist gives your kiddos (embryos) their first "grade". A blastocyst is graded by their degree of expansion, their inner cell mass, and the trophectoderm. The grading system rates the blastocysts from good to fair to poor. The grading system indicates its potential to implant only.


I had just finished seeing a patient when I saw my phone lighting up on my desk and noticed the caller ID was from the clinic. I dropped everything I was doing, and picked up the phone. The medical assistant sounded happy, so I prayed it was a good phone call. She stated that eight out of our eight embryos were doing well, and progressively perfectly. Our grading was as follows: 


3 embryos: EXCELLENT

4: GOOD
1: FAIR

The grading of an egg doesn't mean how smart or beautiful a child will be. It grades how well it should impact for embryo transfer onto the uterus. 


Tomorrow is DAY 5, so I should be getting. call on how our embryos are doing. I am keeping my fingers crossed that all becomes blastocysts. 



Saturday, March 10, 2018

My Fifth Egg Retrieval as the IVF patient

My fifth egg retrieval was scheduled March 8th at 12:10pm. It had been three years since my last retrieval as a donor, and now I was undergoing the process as the patient.

For my first egg retrieval, I was not put under anesthesia. I was given a valium, and I remember screaming in pain the whole time, while my legs were strapped down. It was torture. They allowed my husband in the room to watch the surgery, and he felt so helpless watching the procedure. Since that time, my first question was, "Do I get anesthesia for egg retrievals?" Every time I asked, they seemed shocked. They had never heard of not being put under for an egg retrieval and always promised me I would be sedated soundly during the procedure.

For my second through fourth donation, I would tremble uncontrollably minutes before the procedure, just remembering my first time. My fifth egg retrieval was no different. I trembled and felt very scared. I kept reminding the nurse anesthetist to make sure I was "under," before starting.

Walking back to get my IV put in, one of the nurses casually told me that I was their last procedure of  the day probably because I had the most eggs of the day. This made me really happy and excited. I've never produced a lot of eggs, but I was kept as an egg donor, because of the excellent quality of my eggs.

When I woke up from the egg retrieval, which I was told lasted only 20 minutes or so, I remember feeling an 8 out of 10 pain. My pelvis felt like it had been hit by a train. The nurse taking care of me gave me 650mg Acetaminophen (Tylenol) and waited 15 minutes to see if this helped alleviate my pain. Fifteen minutes later, she returned, and I told her I still felt like that train was ramming into my pelvis. In addition to several heating pads, she administered 2mg Morphine and Zofran though IV. I've had Morphine once in my life and I didn't recall any bad reaction. Within a few minutes of morphine, my pain level reduced to about a 6 out of 10, which was tolerable. It felt like period cramps from hell, but at least it wasn't the train ramming into my soul anymore. She let me sit down a few more minutes, until I felt ready to walk out on my own. I have never been able to walk out on my own, so I took that the pain being bearable enough for me to walk out was a good sign. A few hours later, my pain started becoming more noticeable, but still tolerable.

Once I was lucid from the anesthesia, the nurse told my husband and I the information we were most curious about-- how many eggs were retrieved!? I anticipated either 12 or 14 because that is how many follicles they have been getting. We had 14 eggs retrieved!

The next morning (Friday), I felt like my lower abdomen was stiff (not distended) and very crampy. I was not nauseas, had no vomiting, and no reduced urine output (signs of OHSS).  My pain level was back at an 8 out of 10 though. I took 1gram of Tylenol in the morning, which helped take the edge off, but I couldn't walk around my house without being in significant pain. My husband was hospitalized a few years ago for a pneumothorax, and he had some expired oxycodone from that time. Since Tylenol wasn't working, I took a half tab, which barely touched the pain, This morning, I took a full tab with another gram of Tylenol, which helped bring the pain down to being tolerable. When the MA called me this afternoon, I did mention to her my pain. She said for me to wait until Monday and if I was still in pain, they would evaluate me. Why don't women get any pain medication after this? Ive read a lot of blogs about day after egg retrieval and many of them feel just like me! If you got pain medications after your egg retrieval, let me know. Is it just my doctor?

Being so focused on the pain, helped me not to focus on waiting for the call today from the clinic telling me how many of my eggs retrieved were mature and how many fertilized. The MA on the phone told me 11 of the 14 matured. She stated two were very immature, and one just fell apart. 8 out of the 11 that matured fertilized. I was a little bummed out that only 8 fertilized, because they still have to survive and divide the next few days. Statistically, we should anticipate 20% loss from those fertilized. I am hoping that all 8 survive! The fertility clinic calls on day 1, 3 and 5 to give updates on your embryos. I return to work on Sunday, which is day 3, and I can only hope that not only will my pain subside, but that my numbers don't change too much.

I'll explain why they call on days 1, 3 and 5:
Day 0: Egg Retrieval Day
Day 1: 24 hours after egg retrieval, the embryologist can determine how many matured and how many fertilized. They wait to call until day 3, because its important to limit the amount of times the embryos are taken out of the incubator to maintain a stable environment.
Day 3: On day 3, the embryo should have divided into about 6-10 cells and be symmetrical which indicates even cell division. After day 3, embryonic DNA takes over, including genetic contribution from the sperm.
Day 5: They call to tell you how many have successfully become a blastocyst. A blastocyst is a human embryo that has divided successfully and survived to at least day five. This is also the day the embryologist gives your kiddos (embryos) their first "grade". A blastocyst is graded by their degree of expansion, their inner cell mass, and the trophectoderm. The grading system rates the blastocysts from good to fair to poor. The grading system indicates its potential to implant only.



So much of the IVF process on the other side, is the waiting game. So not only am I bloated, in pain, I have to be patient. 

Friday, March 9, 2018

Former Egg Donor to IVF patient: The Other Side of Things

It has been three years since last egg donation process. After my fourth egg donation, I decided to call it quits. I hyper stimulated on my last donation, and no amount of money could tempt me to do it over again. Unless, of course, I was doing an egg retrieval for myself.

My husband and I had been trying to have a baby for two years without success. I hadn't even had a miscarriage. At my age, I would not be considered a "geriatric" patient, but let's just say in a couple of years, I would have been.

During one of my egg donations, I had seen an IVF doctor in my home state for monitoring, and he was very kind. I had worked with several in and out of state endocrinologist reproductive specialists, but they all had treated my like a number, and not a human being--except this doctor in my home state. I told myself at that time, if I ever needed IVF, I would contact him.

After two unsuccessful years, I looked him up, and made my first appointment. Looking back now, I was very fortunate because he now has a wait list for a year.

Being a four time egg donor, I have had the chance to do ALL the injection medications. My doctor chose the Gonal-F 250 units at night and Menopur 75 units in the morning. I did these medications, until the last few days, where he increased my Goal-F to 300 units two days, and 375 units on my last day. During the last five days of my stimulation medications, I started taking Centrotide/Ganirelix every morning in addition to menopur.  From what I understand, this medication helped to prevent me from ovulating until the procedure.

To give an idea of how quickly the medications act on estrogen, here are a few of my numbers that I kept record of so that you can see how quickly the medications take effect:
Feb. 27th, my first blood draw with stimulation medications: Estrogen level was 124.8pg/ml
March 1st:  Estrogen level was 303 pg/ml
March 3rd: Estrogen level was 467.6 pg/ml

On the night of my trigger shot, I was instructed to take 10,000 units of Pregnyl which contains the human chorionic gonadotropin (hcg) intramuscularly at 12:10AM on March 6th.  Once I took my trigger shot, I was instructed to no longer take any of my stimulation medications. Pregnyl is time sensitive, and it is very important to take it exactly the time your doctor tells you to.  The egg retrieval was scheduled for 12:10PM on March 8th.

I was also prescribed Doxycycline 100mg twice daily to start taking the night of my trigger injection. Doxycyline is a tetracycline based antibiotic used prophylactically prior to egg retrieval. As a medical provider myself, I like Doxycyline, It has little GI side effects, and I don't think it has a lot of resistance yet. Mankind is still abusing the z-pak (azithromycin) for their "sinus" infections or "bronchitis" that is probably a virus anyway. #AntibioticResistance But that is another story.

The cost of just my medications was $3,020 (which is actually cheaper than most that I have seen and read), which I paid for in February.

I want to mention that getting my blood drawn and ultrasounds so frequently in the mornings was really rough on me. I work 12 hour shifts (8am to 8pm), where 8am is my fertility clinic's first appointment. It was extremely hard for me to get other providers to cover for me for the first hour, and when I couldn't find coverage, embarrassingly ask my bosses if I could come in late. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was. I was so embarrassed to always ask my company to work around my medical appointments. I don't know how working women do this, unless they work from home, or they don't work at all. It's hard to imagine a woman not working in this situation though. IVF is so costly and I can't imagine that we could ever afford this if both my husband and I weren't working bringing both incomes.

While on the topic, I should also share the decisions I made before IVF, knowing that I wouldn't be able to hold down a full time job practicing medicine. I gave my 60 day resignation notice to my old job back in December for various reasons. Firstly, I knew already they wouldn't work with my schedule going in for frequent blood draws etc. I knew, being a donor, that they can schedule additional blood draws or ultrasounds last minute based on your levels, and there is no way my old job would have allowed me to miss work even with 24 hour notice. Secondly, my medical insurance was a nightmare. Because their health insurance was THAT bad, I chose to only cover myself, and purchase accidental insurance for my husband. The deductible for just ME was approximately $6,500/year. It was terrible insurance. It covered 3 IUI (intrauterine insemination), but it was a personal decision for my husband and I not to do IUI. My doctor did suggest we should try that before IVF though. My new company's insurance does not cover for infertility treatments, but the health insurance had a lower deductible of $3,000 for just myself, with an HSA. I could have chosen the $2,000 plan, but I wanted the HSA to help cover for infertility costs. Thirdly, my company wanted me only full time, and would not allow me to be part time. My new company had only a part time position open, so it worked out perfectly. I feel like I am not a mom yet, but I am already making a huge sacrifice of cutting back on my career to allow time for all of my IVF appointments, egg retrieval / egg transfer, plus recovery time, and potential complications (I've had OHSS before).

I feel like I made the right decision going to this new company. They have been understanding through this all, but I am GLAD my chaotic schedule is over (for now). I don't want to abuse their kindness any longer.  How do these mama-to-be's do it while working??