Former Egg Donor Undergoing IVF

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Monday, December 17, 2018

30w2d: Premature Premature Rupture of Membranes

Since I have been admitted to the hospital on bedrest since December 7th, I am realizing how my thoughts can run rampant and think of all the worst possible scenarios. I have been so anxious about the "fear of pain" and the "fear of the unknown" for labor and delivery.

Today, I realized that my anxiety has improved so much. My nurse last night told me everyone who would be in the room at the time of my delivery. Two NICU teams, two respiratory therapists, two of my nurses, my doctor, and if I need a c-section, a scrub tech and a first assist. Hearing about all those people in one room would normally freak me out, but all of a sudden, I realized that most people in that room are for my babies. A sort of calm ran through me and I realized how grateful I am that there are medical people specializing in this field. I know there will be pain, but I am getting to that point where I just feel so blessed my babies have been overall doing so well during their fetal monitoring despite my PPROM. My perspective has changed so much, since my admittance at the hospital. I became a part of a PPROM facebook support group and so many women have stories where they ruptures before their baby's viability! I feel so blessed that my babies are viable and how well they are doing. If my rupture was inevitable, at least I was blessed enough that they were viable right? If I don't spin the story to seeing the glass as half full, I'll go into depression here at the hospital. Seeing these 4 walls everyday, eating hospital food, and not sleeping in my bed with my husband and dog can really eat at a person's positivity. I still have 4 more weeks, so I'll try to keep my chin up till then.

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