4dp5dt

I am so new to the world of IVF that I didn't know 90% of the acronyms used by others in the internet, making it extremely difficult to understand anything anyone was saying. Needless to say, searching google to make sense of the endless acronyms has been my best friend. The newest acronym introduced to this blog will be: 4dp5dt. If one was not familiar with the IVF world, this would just appear to be a difficulty algebra equation initially. What this means, is that today I am 4 days post my 5 day transfer. I also found out that the day of the actual transfer does not count. If it did, I would be 5dp5dt.

Quick recap: On June 7th, 11:30AM, my doctor transferred two five day embryos, grades 4BB and 3AB, because these were the best ones of the 6 total that were fertilized and made to blastocyst age. I admittedly do not handle pain well, and my doctor could barely finish the HSG because I was in so much agony, that I requested to be put under during the transfer. I was afraid I would move too much and the embryos would not be able to go in without me moving and writhing in pain. In my defense, I think I am post traumatized from my first donation, where they cut costs by not putting me under during my first egg retrieval in 2010. That was so painful.

Yesterday, I went to church, and I was so bloated, that I looked pregnant in my wrap around dress. This morning, my fat pants felt a little looser than they have been which was a nice feeling. However, it also got me scared because at least I was having symptoms of a possible pregnancy. Today, I am only slightly feeling bloated. I am still feeling fatigued and took a 4 hour "nap" after leaving church yesterday, making it so I could not get to sleep until midnight. I did not wake up until 9am this morning though, which is unusual for me. I am early riser because of my work schedule. Luckily, I am still out on PTO at work until tomorrow. I am still having cramps in my lower abdominal area, that are felt mostly when I am at rest, not so much when I am out running errands. I noticed that I when I bend over or lift something light (like a bowl of homemade soup weighing 5lbs or less, I get twinges of cramps in my lower abdomen, which I don't even know how to explain. I am also super emotional. Mind you, I never cry, and when I do, it is when something absolutely terrible happens. My husband swears that I have emotions to his family and friends, because no one can believe how many things I don't cry at. I am still not sure my in-laws know I have a heart. I know my emotions are running amuck because I cried at "Coco" the Pixar movie by Disney, when it wasn't even sad! Another symptom is intermittent nausea without vomiting or the feeling that. That feeling is pretty infrequent though and I had nausea with vomiting prior to my transfer, so I take that symptom with a grain of salt. Last symptom that started today is clear vaginal discharge. This could be due to the estrogen, but I’m not sure?

For my cramps, I have been taking up to 1g of Tylenol daily for pain. I have been having pretty bad back pain with left sided sciatica pain, but I was having that for months even prior to the transfer, so I don't count that as a symptom.

 It is hard to differentiate what is is an early pregnancy symptom vs the PIO (progesterone in oil) and estradiol symptom though to be honest. I still don't have ant spotting which I am not sure is concerning or not. Yesterday, I felt pregnant (which could be because I looked pregnant with my bloat). Today, I feel like it was a failed transfer. This is an emotional rollercoaster, and I finally know what it was like for my IPs (intended parents). They call this wait until the beta test the TWW (two week wait). My beta hcg test is scheduled at 9am on the 18th. I found coverage to cover my shift from 8am to 10pm to do my results that day. I am terrified of receiving bad news while I am work though. I'll break out my water proof mascara that day.

I almost gave in to take a HPT (home pregnancy test) today. I joined a couple facebook IVF groups under a fake name to see how others are coping. Why a fake name? I am way too scared of people seeing that I am a part of these groups on my profile. I told you, I don't want anyone to know I'm vulnerable. Hence, my anonymous blogspot. I saw other women getting BFP (big fat positives) on 4dp5dt, and I wanted one too! If, for whatever reason, it was a BFN (big fat negative), I don't know what I would think or feel. No wait, I would know. I would be heartbroken. Someone somewhere on facebook IVF group refused to do it because she enjoyed the feeling of PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). I have to admit, I think I like that feeling better, than seeing what could be a BFN. Especially because it is really early on in the post transfer process.

As of right now, I have 6 days, 9 hours and 47 minutes and 44 seconds until I go in for my beta test. We'll see if I can hold out until then. Thank goodness we have a short trip to Texas coming up soon to attend a political conference. Pretty sure if there was anything that could keep my mind off  uteruses and embryos implanting it is politics.

I plan on keeping my blog and whoever reads this updated on my progress. After doing major research on symptoms by the day on the internet, there is simply never enough. Here is to help anyone else going through this wait to find out if we are going to be mothers.

Sincerely,

The  Former Egg Donor