Former Egg Donor Undergoing IVF

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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Starting Over

Sometimes people blog twice in one day. I've never blogged twice in, and/or my personal blog. I know there are people out there, that do feel the need to blog their emotions twice in one day. Today is the day, I will finally blog twice in one day. My emotions are running high (possibly due to the high levels of estrogen running through my veins), or possibly because I received a devastating phone call from my agency today. Basically, the blood work I completed yesterday, showed an astonishing amount of estrogen... meaning that, I am about to ovulate. Wait... what? How can I ovulate if I haven't even started my period yet for the month of July?

Story: Around mid-July, I called my agency in panic because I was spotting blood in the middle of my birth control pack. My agency assured me that it was okay, because sometimes spotting happened, but that there was no way it could be my period.
Problem: On July 20th, I should have started my "real" period. July 20th, July 21st.... July 30th came and went, and I never had a period. I found out this morning that I am about to ovulate (from my blood work done yesterday), and that my previous spotting had been my true period.
Problem 2: I feel like my body betrayed me. Why did aunt flo visit me before it should have? I feel awful, because my intended parents must be so frustrated with me. Maybe she even regrets picking me? I read many IVF future mama's blogs online, and I know how utterly stressful these kinds of set backs are. This time, unfortunately, me ovulating when I am not supposed to be, is her set back. Today, I would be the problem in her blog (if she has one, that is).
Problem 3: My intended parents still had to pay for those office visits... and will have to pay again for the same office visits again... They also might have to buy me some more Lupron... I feel like the most expensive burden for her.
Problem 4: My intended mama parent, travels a lot for her job, so she laid away August for egg retrieval. My body screwed that up for her. I feel so awful... Sick to my stomach, kind of awful.

Why: I had many questions for my clinic... "what happened?" "What did I do wrong?"
Answer: Basically, no one can be quite sure. One answer my intended parent is probably thinking that I didn't take my birth control daily. That would/could be the answer, but I DID take my birth control religiously each day. Possible answer #2: I was directed to skip the placebo pills in my birth control pack before I started Lupron. I did as I was told, and skipped the placebo pills, and immediately started a new pack. So, that's not the answer either. Possible Answer #3: Another possible answer is that my agency changed my birth control brand from Desogen to Lo-esterin last month. Lo-esterin may not have been enough for me. Possibly Answer #4: My body is making life extremely difficult for everyone.
Solution: After this upcoming period, I will begin a NEW birth control, because Lo-esterin may not be enough for me. I am to stop injections of Lupron today. Since, Lupron increases a chance for multiple births, I will have to explain to my husband to keep his distance from me... sorry babe. I am not to take any birth control until my next period (which should be coming in a week or so). When aunt flo does pay a visit soon, we will start this process all over again. *sigh* which will take another 6 weeks from the day I have my next period.


vickie said...

Please do not feel like you are a disappointment. I am 31 and had 4 failed IVF cycles. I am one of the few women with poor ovarian reserve at a young age. My husband and I have just decided to do an egg donation cycle. In fact, we selected her last week.
What she is giving me is the greatest gift that anyone can give. I will never be able to repay her generosity and kindness. We (IP) go into this knowing that there will be setbacks along the way. Yes, we had our own failures and disappointments in the past (and most of us have gone through multiple IVF cycles). What would I think from an IP perspective: 1. I hope she is not disappointed and gives up on us 2. I can only imagine what she must be feeling right now because of all the prep work she did 3. will she be willing to try again
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to the donors out there that are willing to go through this for someone they do not even know. I have hoped and dreamed about a family and you are really the only way that I can achieve this. Best of Luck!

Anonymous Egg Donor said...

Thank you so much for your consoling words. For awhile, I was feeling really let down.. Like, somehow I let her down. I am so glad you have found a donor! I hope everything goes well for you, as well as your donor! :)